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UPDATE (Nov 9, 2016)

  • I am now writing a book on Social Anxiety in the Tech Industry. Follow along at anxietynerd.com.

 

Social Anxiety Disorder is real and it is painful. If left unchecked, it can lead to a life of misery. It almost destroyed my life. After reaching my rock-bottom, I started taking small steps towards a life I now LOVE.

If you are hurting, seek help. You can make changes small changes in your life that can lead to amazing results.

Click here for information and surveys on social anxiety in tech jobs.

 

Key Takeaways

  • Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or psychologist or therapist. Talk to one.
  • I was a guest on two other podcasts recently.
  • Self-reflection of your growth and journey is a good thing. It helps put things into perspective, show how much you’ve grown and allows you to get clear on where you want to go.
  • Be vulnerable. Tell your story. My story is about social anxiety, social avoidance, potential suicide, life changing decisions and career growth.
  • Social Anxiety Disorder is real and it is painful. If left unchecked, it can lead to a life of misery. Seek help. You can change.

 

Resources Mentioned

ABOUT THE TRANSCRIPT

This transcript was generated from an automated closed-captioning service and thus is far from perfect. There is no punctuation, no paragraphs and it’s difficult to tell who is speaking. That being said, if you’d like to access the podcast in written form, let me know. If there is enough demand I’ll formalize the process and clean up the text.

 

Full Transcript

hello tech pros episode 141
welcome to the podcast where i chat with professionals who are getting the job
done using technology seven days a week each week we start with motivation
monday tuesday is about productivity Wednesday leadership Thursday technology
friday people in communication Saturday entrepreneurship and sunday being
unplugged
alright let’s get started hello tech pros this is Chad Bostick and I am so so
happy to get the opportunity to talk to you today about something that’s very
very important to me that I need to get off my chest I need to tell the story I
need to share this information with you because just because I need to get out
there because it’s uncomfortable I’ve have kept it inside of me my whole life
this is this is a story I’ve never never shared before with anyone outside of my
wife so you guys are the first people that’s that’s hearing this and it’s
really important it’s really important to me and it may be very important to
someone out there listening so you guys if if you know me then you know me if
you don’t know me that my name is Chad Bostick and i’m the host of this show the
hello tech pros podcast and I come from a software development background I’ve
had an awesome career as a software developer as a team lead as a manager
and now as a podcast host on the hello tech pros podcast where I just launched
in april this year and i’m looking at the stats right
now is just blowing my mind that i’ve had already since april till mid-august
of 2016
I’ve had over 25,000 downloads I had eight thousand downloads just in the
month of july and over 25,000 downloads all together and it is just it just
blows my mind first of all that that the community out there the community out
there is supporting me and I so much appreciate your support but it also
blows my mind of of the changes that I’ve made in my life over over the last
15 years or so
the last 20 years and I wanted to share really that path of change that path of
personal growth and rediscovering myself and really changing my attitude about
myself and my attitude about the world so that i could progress to the type of
person that launched the podcast and talking to 25,000 people it’s amazing
it’s absolutely amazing it’s blowing my mind right now I I hadn’t checked the
stats in awhile and I’m just so in awe and humility and just really appreciate
the support by you guys and look at these numbers you know it to me it just
means that I’m on the right track and I’m doing something that I should have
been doing a long time ago but I couldn’t have done it a long time ago
because of the problems that we’re going to talk about here on this podcast on
this particular episode so today is motivation monday and for those of you
have been to the podcast before you know that every monday i bring on a featured
guest to talk about a time in their life when they were down there were
unmotivated and what got them out of the dumps and allowed them to get to this is
high state of motivation and happiness and just ready to tackle the week with a
high level of energy and the reason I have this episode is because all my life
I’ve needed that I needed to hear those stories and so anytime I got the
opportunity
not that I went out and look for them I should have been around more people that
were highly motivating should have gotten listen to motivating speakers but
anytime i just saw somebody with a smile on her face that just acted happy all
the time I just wanted to know hey what’s going on your life
why are you so happy what do you have to celebrate and just feed off of that
energy and so that’s why i have it here on the podcast today motivation Monday
every week the week off for this high-level energy to this high level of
man things are gonna be good and it’s about hope and it’s about knowing that
no matter how bad it is today tomorrow can be better
we just have to get to tomorrow and we have to work at trying to make it better
and we have to get in an emotional state where we can accept the happiness and
I’ve talked to a lot of different guess about their perspective on happiness and
their perspective on motivation and their perspective on you know the
troubled times the hard times that we all go through and so today I thought I
would tell you a little bit about my story
the reason why this is coming about honestly is because well I I’ve had you
know i i’ve published well over a hundred episodes this is what a hundred
and forty-one episode 141 that we’re sharing here today and it’s just been in
the last few months you know seven-day-a-week program has been crazy
to get all these guests on the show and it’s been an amazing growth opportunity
for me but I’ve also had the privilege and the honor of being a guest on a
couple of other people’s podcast several peoples podcast but two of them that I
want to really give thanks here today Cristina Cantor’s of the sea method
podcast and Veronica Kiren of degrees of separation podcast and recently I was on
each of their podcast i met Christina Canters at podcast movement biggest
podcast conference in the world is 1500 podcasters there and just made so many
awesome relationships with people that are doing the same thing I’m doing right
whether they’re uh in a hobby and just doing it for fun or whether they’re like
to get into it it was just an amazing experience to be around people who are
doing the same kind of stuff I’m doing because honestly sometimes this is it’s
odd because I interview a hundred different people over the last couple
months but it’s kind of a lonely job sometimes because nobody understands
what i do because my family doesn’t really get it right there not in
technology and they’re not in business and they’re not in podcasting and my
friends all think I’m nuts and crazy for doing this my ex-colleagues think way
you know good for you but i don’t i don’t get it i don’t understand it but
these folks get it
the folks a podcast movement get it and Christina Canters were there
and.and she was walking around with a mic and ask me just kind of in the
hallway hey can I ask you a couple questions where do you get your
confidence to do podcasting and that took me off guard
she had a really big professional microphone she stand there in the middle
hallway I was unprepared i didn’t know we’re gonna do an interview me she was
very polite she’s very kind she’s awesome about it but stick this
microphone in front of my face and said how do you get your confidence and the
thing that’s running through my mind is what the heck are you talking about
confidence I don’t have any confidence i am scared crapless every time I get on
the mic i am literally I have to take this huge breath every time I get on the
Mike and I have to get in this mindset of acting like I’m confident and
pretending like I’m confident and I as they save you probably heard fake it
till you make it
I still feel like a fake every single episode and i gave her an awesome answer
which you can if you go to the show notes here at teletech proz.com / 141
there’s a link there to get to my answer and where I came up with getting my
confidence to podcast and then later after the events she contacted me and
she asked me to be a guest on her show and that was a really awesome experience
because I’m not used to not use the answer the questions I’m used to be the
one asking the questions because i like to hear from I guess I want to hear what
their perspectives are it’s not about me being an expert in any one of these
fields i’m not an expert in motivation i’m not an expert in productivity or
leadership or I know a little bit upset about technology but there’s so much
more than I don’t know and then people in communications and relationships are
you kidding me i don’t know nothing about that and I’m learning I’m learning
about developing relationships on learning about developing self
confidence and just learning how different different ways to communicate
to people and all of these topics every day of the week I am NOT the expert i
try to bring on guest to get their expertise their perspectives their
thoughts on it and I just feed off their answers and we have a great time but i’m
never on the other side of the mic where I give my answers and so
the questions that she asked me was about my confidence because her shows
the sea message to see method is all about confidence and we’re confidence
comes from and in times when you’re not confident and so you know I i had a very
frank discussion with her about being an introvert and more than just being an
introvert being extremely shy as a kid and as an adult and the steps that I’ve
taken across my life and my career to not to overcome the shyness because it’s
still there not to beat it but to just come up with ways in which to cope with
it to cope with shyness and to manage it and and grow in my relationships and
grow in my career in spite of the shyness and so that was a very
enlightening process for me to give those answers and to talk about myself
to somebody else so I really appreciate Christina having me on her show and then
also Veronica cure and veronica was a guest on a prior episode here on hello
tech pros and then she asked me to be a guest on her podcast degrees of
separation which is all about people who got degrees and one thing and then ended
up working in something completely different and she talked to me practice
going on air about you know hey what what you’d agree when you have your
degree and I said well actually I don’t have a degree i dropped out of college
my my freshman year and I never went back and she said well how did how did
you get to your career and do all this stuff and so we ended up doing a podcast
about it and I told the story of you know me growing up and the dreams and
aspirations i had and then dropping out of college and then just the steps of
somehow getting lucky enough to land an amazing career
all that being said i’m i’m i’m very much appreciated
I very much appreciate Christina and Veronica for having me on their shows
and let me give those talks but this story is a little bit darker a little
bit deeper than then the discussions i had on their shields because it’s about
the time that I nearly I nearly took my life
or at least I i considered suicide and that’s extremely hard for me to say it’s
extremely hard for me to admit to my it myself alone admit to the general public
health care in the world and to the people that know me and like me or
dislike me or whatever but I think it’s important it’s very important for me to
say to get out here one disclaimer i want to give you i am not a doctor I’m
not a psychologist I’m not a therapist and I don’t have all the answers if
you’re going through something deep and darken and and bad problems going on in
your life and you need a professional go talk to a doctor go talk to
psychologists go talk to a therapist go talk to if you need a suicide
there-there suicide prevention lines at like suicide prevention lifeline . org
talk to someone talk to family talk to friends talk to me if you need to but
but understand that I’m not licensed in this area I just have my own personal
story so going back to childhood I was quiet and shy and happy like i said on
Christina show and and on Veronica show I was a quiet shy kid some of it was due
to the environment we live way on the country away from everybody else and I
didn’t have many kids to play with but at school you know I did have friends to
play with so some was by environment someone’s by choice but then got getting
into the teen years I like gosh every other team became very very
uncomfortable with myself
the problem was that I mind my uncomfortableness that was more i think
or at least it felt more i was extremely anxious in any social situation so
outside of being with my very closest friends or outside of being with my
family i was in a state of not being able to cope with Society
I didn’t develop relationships I didn’t develop friends I didn’t date
I didn’t do anything
when I walked around in public I always had my eyes down on the floor i looked
at my feet in in every social situation I was very very ashamed of me ashamed of
myself and now I’ve discovered that that that’s called social anxiety so it’s not
about being an introvert being an introvert is about you know where your
energy level comes from and how you recharge being an introvert means you
know I need some quiet time alone in order to recharge my batteries back up
being an extrovert means you need to be around people to recharge your batteries
back up and then being shy is just about you know guys you know it’s hard for you
to open up once you do it’s no problem
well social anxiety is it’s not a boolean right it’s not a yes or no it’s
a scale it’s a it’s a it’s a system where you could fall on on some edge of
the spectrum it’s a spectrum is what i’m trying to say it is you could be have
extreme social anxiety social avoidance and depression and really really bad
things going on or you could have just a little bit
alright so if you think of the times that you blush or you see people blush
that is kind of a trait that is one trait but mine was far worse than that
have always struggled with just not talking to people not wanting to talk to
anybody and it would take me months and years to develop a sense of camaraderie
with people in many circumstances where I could open up to the my god laughing
and joking and in and be a dork and and have fun
it’s taken me a long time in many situations to build that trust build
those relationships with people that I could open up and be myself and once I
once I feel comfortable once a comfort level is there then we’re good but it
takes a long time and the reason for that is because on the inside i am
petrified absolutely terrified to the point of not being able to have human in
actions terrified of what people are thinking about me and what they’re
saying about me behind my back my social anxiety throughout my teenagers and into
my adult years led me to living a life of absolute humility and absolute
torture
where is torturing myself on the inside of just thinking the most horrible
things about myself
nobody likes me everybody hates me I’m such a loser
I look like a dork i stutter I stammered I can’t get my thoughts straight
whenever I’m trying to speak to somebody in my mouth goes cotton I cannot look a
hot female in the eyes
it’s always you know looking at the ground looking off to the side
I can’t have a conversation with girls at all in high school I did not have any
I had no platonic female friends ever ever like I never had any just friends
where we hung out like like you know Harry Potter had Hermoine I never
had Hermoine
I never had anybody that I could just talk to about books are about school or
about whatever I just did not talk to people and other people try to reach out
they tried to talk to they try to be friendly and they probably i don’t know
what they thought I don’t know if they thought I was a jerk if they knew that i
was just completely shy and unable unable to have these conversations but I
felt on the inside so self-deprecating so horrible about myself and the first
of all I rejected them i rejected having a conversation with them and then I felt
horrible because I didn’t talk to them that they probably thought I was a
complete jerk and
and a complete a-hole and I was somebody they didn’t want to talk to anyway and
so that just kind of reinforced and fed in to that thought process i didn’t have
it is a single date all through high school and and that was because I didn’t
have a single conversation with anybody i had very very few friends looking back
some of the friendships that I had some of the the very close relationship that
I had were probably it’s difficult to say but probably net negative
relationships I had these friendships because they were developed in you know
56 up seventh-grade and by senior year they were still the only friends I had
because they were the people that they got along with me and in 5th or 6th or
7th grade in those formative years when I was eleven twelve thirteen and so as a
senior you know as an 18 year old man and in going into leaving high school
going into college I those are still the same friends that I had back as a you
know 11 12 13 year old boy just because those were the people that I hang out
with and I was comfortable with their stuff and some were great friends today
and others are not but the point is that I would only do things if they were
taking me along like I never planned a trip I never had hopes and desires of
wanting to go out and do something on my own and take my friends it was always my
friends play soccer so I play soccer my friends go play paintball so I go play
paintball
they hate have a lot of people over to play board games and so I go over there
and join them and so anyone that I became friends with through through that
group I’m very appreciative of that social interaction because it was all I
had
I was too afraid and two self-deprecating to self just hurtful on
myself i had too much social anxiety to do anything and so it was to each the
the social anxiety is in my case was to such extreme it became social avoidance
where I would avoid
going out in public i would avoid talking to people i would avoid
situations where i had to have a social interaction with anyone i love going out
to eat I love food but i would barely say the dish to my waiter or waitress
you know and they always you know usually try to joke around laughs and
how’s it going how you and I wouldn’t play in any of that any of that i would
just like stare at the menu say this is what I want alternate number one and
iced tea and that’s it and you know there was no other relationship out that
other than that and so you know it was tough as a teenager most teenagers do
but by the time I got 225 years old it was unbearable i was looking at myself
in my life and I was so lonely so extremely heartbreaking lonely and and I
was just so ashamed of the adult that I was growing into being you know i was
looking on the next five years where do you want to be five years from now and I
was a god I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be in this place where I literally have like two friends and
that’s it
and those are the only two people i talk to and at work I’m okay as long as I’m
in front of the computer writing code or talking to the three or four people on
my team but other than that I didn’t talk to people outside of my department
I didn’t talk to people outside my team I didn’t have interactions with people
out of work so you know we did the work and then as soon as the work day was
over a lot of people would go out and hang out and go have drinks and you know
go eat dinner in and see each other on the weekend and I was never part of that
group ever and I just felt lonely and it wasn’t because people were excluding me
it was because i was excluding myself and it was just a really really bad bad
situation it hurt all the time because I knew as soon as I left I honestly I put
in so much extra time so much overtime just because I wanted to be there I
wanted to be around
people a little bit longer and as soon as i go home i I’m just got sad and
depressed and lonely and nobody else around and then I felt really good when
it when I i quit my job because of you know some stressful things is the
dot-com bust was going on and so quit my job because I wanted to go out on my own
bill amount of business and do my own thing and was so so proud of that
statement because i kinda like I made a statement to the boss I stood up to the
boss and I said I’m not going to take this junk anymore i’m out peace out
i’m gone i tried to do it in a very respectful manner just like hey this is
not the right time this is not the right place
I’m I’ve decided to go out on my own but on the inside I felt like a rock star
but that only lasted about two weeks I felt like a rockstar for about two weeks
probably not even that and then once i got home i was working from home the
social anxiety almost killed me
the social avoidance almost killed me because once i got home and was working
for myself there was literally literally no one around ever as a 25-year old man
the only people that I hung out with was my roommate who had an alternate
schedule so I are hardly ever saw him arm one over one other friend that I saw
every now and then and then my mom and my sister and the reasons I hung out
with them work you know i love my mom and my sister but as a 25-year old man
every now and then on a friday saturday night or just whenever throughout the
week
ok you think you would be out doing other stuff meeting other people going
to bars going to clubs going to dinners just calling friends inviting people
trying to have dates whatever and I did none of that because i had the social
anxiety like x 10 and the social avoidance made me feel like I couldn’t
go out and do those things because I was so afraid of the rejection I was so
afraid of what people are thinking about me I was so afraid of how i would do
something embarrassing of gosh
constantly afraid that I would do something embarrassing i would say
something embarrassing and that was the worst absolute worst is when I did try
to say something when i did try to hot have a conversation and I would you know
stutter stammer i mean i’ve done that 40 or 50 times on this podcast and there’s
a reason why I don’t edit these podcasts and take them out is because now trying
to get over it right it’s no big deal everybody has some little ticks in their
voice or some little problems that they don’t like and some little phrases that
they say over and over again and it very produced podcast they cut all that junk
out because they want to make it sound professional i specifically don’t cut
that junk out because i’m trying to get over the fact debt it’s it’s for me it
would be a crutch like once I go into the editor and start editing that stuff
out that’s a crutch and what I need to do is just be happy with myself
just be comfortable with myself and so at this point when I was 25 years old i
left the house at I don’t know it was it was nighttime don’t remember exactly
what time it was it was probably you know 930-10 o’clock 11 o’clock at night
and I left the house because I just needed social interaction i needed to be
around somebody and needed to be around a group of people I hadn’t been around a
group of people in months and I just started driving down the road thinking
okay we’re gonna go can go to a club I don’t know any clubs if I went to a club
what would I do there be a whole bunch of people there yeah that’d be great but
there be a whole bunch of people there and I can’t talk to them
I can’t interact with them I i don’t i’m not a drinker so I don’t drink so what
am I going to do i’m just going to sit there I’m gonna look like an idiot i’m
going to act like a fool and everybody’s gonna think I’m a loser and oh my god
what am i doing and I literally broke down spiritually and emotionally just
there as i was driving my car trying to figure out what I could do to find some
social interaction and I’d had no idea what to do and I thought I didn’t think
I prayed I i prayed God please help me God please please help me
I hurt so bad I heard so much I can’t have this
paying anymore it just is unbearable i’m so lonely I feel like even in a crowd of
people if I went out to a club if I went out to a dance club if I went out to a
restaurant or bar or any kind of of event a concert i would be the most
lonely person in a group of thousands of people because i can’t interact with
these people I don’t know how to build relationships with them i don’t know how
to have conversations with him I don’t know how to look into my I mean gosh i
was like i was a guy who go to family reunions and not talk to my family like
extended family because i didn’t know them like my aunts and uncles and
cousins as he was a teenager and as a young adult i would go to these things
and i would just set off in the corner and watch everybody else and if I can’t
have a relationship with my own family extended family members then I certainly
didn’t feel like I could be comfortable enough to have conversations and just
random interactions with random people that I’ve never met before and so I was
so depressed i said god you gotta do something you gotta help me get out of
this you gotta get you’ve got to put people in my life because otherwise I
might as well just kill myself and that statement that I made in that prayer
scared the crap out of me
it was a wake-up moment you know there’s a there’s in every story about when
people hit rock bottom
they tell you about what it felt like when a rock bottom or for me emotionally
socially spiritually that was my rock bottom when I said oh my god what did I
just say just a few months ago in this time . a few months prior to this event
i had lost a friend at work who killed himself and it was horrible it was
horrible 22 feel gosh what was going on his life he was so happy he was so
energetic was so full of joy he had a family’s got a wife and two kids and the
just beautiful life and what happened what could we have done to review
it was he feeling on the inside and and gosh what a jerk like what a jerk to
hurt his wife and hurt his family and hurt all of us at work and then as soon
as i said that about my circumstance that I couldn’t go on any longer I might
as well be dead if things didn’t change I would kill myself and I meant it
seriously i knew that i meant it and that scared me because I knew how bad i
hurt and I knew that I couldn’t have could not take that hurt anymore
that scared me because I didn’t want to be like my friends I didn’t I didn’t
want to hurt other people and I didn’t want to die I did not want to die but I
came to the point where i was at a crossroads and the path that I was on
was unbearable
it was absolutely unbearable there’s no way i could take that anymore
there is no way that after that night I could have gone on and then another path
was suicide in to me that was also unbearable
I didn’t want to do that there is a game of thrones reference where one of the
characters Tara Tyrion Lannister says I don’t have the quote was something about
death so finite but life is full of possibilities and i I just I don’t want
it to end
I want something better i had this hope that something would get better but I
didn’t know what it was and I really had a revelation at that point that the
world wasn’t going to change and get easier for me I had to change to make
life easier on myself and so that night and the next day I became i began the
journey of of change i started forming a new path
I said okay I can’t stay in the state of depression I can’t
I can’t just sit here with this I didn’t know what to call it at the time social
anxiety I just does this loneliness I can’t be here with this loneliness in
this state for the rest of my life no matter how long it is
nor can i take my own life that’s not an option either so I’m gonna have to do
something else I’m gonna have to change my behaviour and hopefully changing my
behaviour will help me change my attitude and if i can change my
behaviour in my attitudes and at least get other people in my life that can
pick me up and get me motivated to live life and motivated to create
relationships then things would be better and so arm I I didn’t know what
to do but I started and I and that decision saved my life and that decision
changed my life for the last 15 16 years now so after that night I don’t know if
is the next day if it was that night if it was a week from them but very shortly
after that actually got online onto a couple of dating dating sites and I said
you know what I don’t have don’t know how to talk to girls in public
I don’t know how to meet people and say he has going to want to go in today with
me because I felt like a complete phony I can’t even look him in the eyes alone
have a kind of conversation let alone ask them for their number or ask them
out on a date so i said i can use technology there’s these websites
there’s these dating sites that are here now I give it a try and see what happens
and so I went to the process and as i said on Kristina’s podcast i had had
success there and started creating dates and I started going out and once i
started going out and meeting people and of understanding that I are I came to
understand shortly within within the first three four dates that dude
everybody’s got these problems everybody’s got some sort of anxiety
everybody’s got something that they don’t like about themselves and there’s
a lot of people home at least back then I haven’t been on dating sites and and
of thirteen fourteen fifteen years however long it’s been but back then
there were
of profiles that weren’t quite honest about the way that they represented
himself and the way they were in real life there was a disconnect and I felt
like well hang on i thought you were XYZ and and use your profile said you like
these kind of things and you obviously don’t or you would be acting different
or dress different or whatever something for your physical attributes would be
different and and I can I came to slowly realize that excuse me that a lot of
people fear judgement and they fear people’s reactions and so they they want
to prot try to present themselves as as something a little bit disingenuous or
something that they want to be or aspire to be
and through that process of you know meeting a lot of people in dating
through online dating
um I came to grips with some things about myself and I I came to the
realization that I wasn’t as dorky as I gave myself credit for I wasn’t as much
of a loser as I gave myself credit for and I started to build up a little bit
of confidence to talk to people so that was that was step one step two was then
actually through that process I met a beautiful just amazing lady and we fell
in love and a year later we had been dating and and been a very positive
awesome very committed relationship for a year and a year later after started
dating her I proposed and then a couple years later we got married and this
month I’m so happy to say that we will be celebrating our 11th anniversary as a
married couple and we’ve been together you know for gosh what 13 14 years now
and it was right after this time where I have this breakdown right after this
time just you know six months or a year later after i had this hit this low
point that i said i need to turn turn things around and I need to start having
relationships and I slowly started building relationships and then I fell
in love and
and now things are a lot better and through that relationship through my my
relationship with my wife she has really been a mentor and a coach to me on
helping me relate to other people outside of us outside of our little
network of our families right and helping me understand how to communicate
to people at work how to communicate to my boss how to communicate to my
colleagues how to stand up for myself when I need to stand up for myself how
to present my ideas are present somebody else’s ideas to a team
whenever we need to not that she was telling me exactly what to say or what
to say it but just that hey you’re a smart guy and you don’t have a problem
speaking what you have a problem is a problem with is the fear of speaking to
other people and you need to just be confident that that you can do this like
you have this and it’s not about you it’s about the data it’s not about you
it’s about the project’s not about you it’s about the information and you can
present that information just like you told it to me just say say that same
stuff to your boss say that same stuff to your colleagues and things will
improve for yourself for your career and things will improve for the team because
the team needs to hear this they need to improve in these ways and so I did and
once i started doing that between the confidence boosters that i got from her
as well as a very awesome mentor and manager that I happen to be work for who
brought me into a team lead position and really coach me and mentored me on
leadership once i got into that leadership position gosh that’s why we
have leadership wednesday on this podcast every week is because that
really changed my career and change my life and my perspective I de things
because it’s not about being the boss
it’s about being a person who’s there for the team and empathetic and listens
and coaches them on their problems and their struggles and try to be that that
lead blockers they say in football that lead blocker who blocks and tackles for
the team and lets them go
I’m not a sports guy so whatever it is go get a touchdown or a thing go sports
team
so be that person who can be there on behalf of the team and be be someone
that listens to their ideas listen to their problems
increase an awesome environment where people want to share ideas and want to
push themselves encourage the people that I work with to push themselves and
their careers to the next level and that opened up so many more doors to me so
many people outside of my department now that i’m having conversations with right
so once i’m a supervisor on the team then I’m starting to have relationships
with people that I’m building not just in the app dev team but in the
infrastructure teams and then the network teams and then outside of that
in the business teams and then all the other stakeholders and I’m starting to
have real friendships with real people outside of IT outside of Technology
words I’ve always I’ve always hit right because again going back to that
ten-year-old kid that fifteen-year-old kid it’s always been easier for me to
relate to technology and to work on code or work on technical problems than it
has been to deal with people and once i got into that leadership position I
really allowed me to connect with people on a broader level on a deeper level and
really grow my own social anxiety coping mechanisms and allowed me to get rid of
a lot of social avoidance problems that i’ve always had and just allowed me to
have a much more much more meaningful awesome life that I’ve had and now after
you know doing that career for several years about 7-8 years i started a
podcast I could kind of wrap it all up the way we started this at the beginning
I’ve started a podcast where I’m putting myself out there and asking people
please be a guest on the show please let’s talk i want to i don’t want to
avoid social interactions i want to have an interaction with you I want to have a
conversation with you I want to get your perspective and I have talked to so many
people who who are not rejecting me because they don’t want to come on the
show but they’re rejecting themselves
hhhii thank you i’m not so honored that you asked me but I don’t feel like I
have anything to share i don’t think i have anything I’m not smart enough i’ve
only been in since like I’m a junior developer I haven’t been in this role
very long i don’t know anything like yeah you do he knows a lot of stuff
about life you know a lot of stuff about your perspective you know a lot of stuff
about you i wanna hear your story
other people say gosh I don’t have a book like I’m not an author you have all
these CEOs and these authors and these these podcasters on your show i’m not
that I’m just you know I’m just a manager of a small team over here and in
this industry that it doesn’t talk to anybody
look what you can talk to me because I’m a friendly guy and I’ve been there like
i’ve i’ve had that social anxiety where I fear talking to people i fear having
relationships with people avoid social interactions and 15 years ago there’s no
way i could do this podcast there’s no way that I could talk to you personally
if you met me on the street was like hey man what’s going on what do you listen
to on your headphones i would just probably ignore you and look at my feet
and walk off and you’d be like alright jerk fine just pretend you’re not even
listening to me but now I can and it’s been an evolution it’s been a slow slow
process of me
refactoring my anxieties refactoring the way that I deal with my anxieties and
really really that that hitting rock bottom place is allowed me to look at
myself and look at the world and look at the opportunities that are out there and
say I don’t know where I’m going but i know that if i head in a more positive
direction with a more positive attitude that it will be get better and has
gotten a lot better it has gotten amazing I i love life so much i love my
family I love my friends I love the fact that i moved across country just because
you know I lost a business opportunity back in Oklahoma where I was from but I
just was ready to you just try something new to try something different going to
a new place where i can meet brand new people and it
completely different culture completely different environment completely
different industry and has been a blast in the last year or so that I’ve lived
out here in Central Florida it’s been amazing talked to so many amazing people
work for a couple of different really cool companies and now offer my own the
podcast which has just been the biggest hugest benefit to me personally not on
the number of downloads right not about really about any kind of notoriety with
the the awesome guest that I’ve had and like famous entrepreneurs or or CEOs big
organizations forget all that kind of stuff but it’s it’s about the the
evolution of Chad that’s what this whole podcast is all about this whole show the
seven day a week show monday motivation Tuesday product productivity Wednesday
leadership Thursday technology friday people in relationships and
communication Saturday entrepreneurship which is about selling yourself and your
ideas and your products and then sunday being unplugged which is focused on your
family and your health and yourself and your well-being and your happiness and
your and your comfort with just being being okay to be okay in your own skin
if that makes any sense this podcast is really when you break it all down when i
take a moment to take a look at what motivates me what has motivated
motivated me over the course of the last 15 years it has been these seven steps
these seven activities in my life of getting motivated and then working
really hard at my job or working really hard at building relationships and and
seeing that productivity and then all the other things the leadership has been
such a blessing and the Entrepreneurship right now is such an amazing experience
and if you resonate with this at all
there’s a lot of people are probably dude I don’t know what the heck is
talking about and to not a long time ago cool no worries but if there’s anybody
that can relate to this at all
do you have these social anxiety problems where
where you fear talking to people and it might be it might be you might be
different on the spectrum than me right you might be worse harder on yourself
than I was on myself or you might be not so bad in and other certain
circumstances right you might be an extroverted introvert or whatever they
call him right where in certain circumstances a life of the party in
other circumstances you get really nervous in your blush bright red and you
break out into hives because you’re worried what about what people think or
what they’re saying but if if you can resonate with this at all and i would
love to talk to you i would love to build a relationship with you i would
love to support you in your journey of overcoming your social social anxieties
you can change if I can do it anybody can do it but first of all you have to
want to if you don’t want to change if you’re okay with your situation then
you’re ok with this situation but if you’re miserable if you’re absolutely
disgusted with yourself if you hate the fact that you’re so shy if you hate the
fact that your relationships are not as good as they could be if you hate the
fact that your career is not as good as it could be because you’re afraid to
talk to your boss about a promotion or afraid to speak up in and meetings and
picture ideas or you’re afraid to talk to stakeholders about the product and
you know maybe a different direction that you can take then I think I can
help you with that
or at least I can listen to your problems and and provide my take on it
like i said before i’m not an expert i am not a doctor I’m not a psychologist
another therapist but I am a person who has been there and a person who is very
empathetic I think that’s the best trait that I have and I’m very very true proud
of that trait is I’m an extremely empathetic person and I feel for you if
you’re going through a hard time and everybody has hard times no matter what
hard time you’re going
through filia I’ve been there
don’t don’t get too hard on yourself don’t don’t consider suicide life can be
so much more than what it is now if you just give yourself the opportunity to to
try it to just try life and and try new experiences and and face your anxieties
and develop a system that works for you where you can cope with your anxiety
let me tell you something is never gonna go away like I’m still nervous every
time I do this I’ve been sitting here all day
this is actually friday night when i’m recording this but I’ve been I had all
friday off i had not very many calls I had to do and I waited until you know
930 at night before start recording this because I’ve been waiting all day
thinking i need to do it i need to do i need to do it but I’m scared to do it i
need to do that I need to do i need to do it I’m scared to do it but by golly I
was brave enough to do it so I’m proud of that I’m proud of the fact that that
I changed and you can change to you don’t have to start a podcast you don’t
have to start a video blog you don’t have to start speaking on stage you know
you don’t have to completely change your life you don’t have to completely change
your career you may not want to do any of that stuff that’s cool but if you
want to change your anxiety your fears if you want to change if you have social
avoidance issues that you’re struggling with that you’re tired of dealing with
man there there is there is another path there’s the path you’re on is that other
path that we’re not going to talk about that’s not an option just get it out of
your head
don’t ever go down that path don’t ever think about that path there’s another
path and that path is scary and it’s hard and it’s difficult it’s certainly
not easy and it’s a long long path a lifelong pal
half of change and being gentle on yourself and forgiving yourself and
being okay with being you and learning to accept that in different situations
and and as you grow in this area you will get better and better at dealing
with it if i can help you in any way please reach out to me you can find me
through email Chad at hello to calm you can find me on Twitter the the hell tech
pros twitter account is at hello tech pros you want to get access to all of
the content there or contact me directly at Chad Bostick that’s what the kbos
excuse me Bo stic k or slack channel don’t forget our slack channel which I
always have at the end of the episode go to hello to proz.com / slack more slack
channel and you can give me some feedback arm you can reach out to me on
linkedin I mean I’m all over just google me she will see much like goofy face and
if if it relates to you at all please let me know because this is the most
vulnerable thing I’ve ever done in my life
this is literally this conversation is the the hardest conversation I’ve ever
tried to have in my life and I thought doing episodes 0 was hard i talked about
that before episode 0 is painfully hard for me to do this in some ways was
easier because I’ve already done you know hundred forty episodes but in other
ways it’s harder because it’s so vulnerable
it’s so deep into the psyche of Chad which is a his estranged place anyway
reach out to me i would love to hear from you i promise i will answer you
back directly as soon as I can
thank you so much for getting to the end of this conversation
it’s been a long conversation i know we went way over our 30-minute time but I
just had to get out there and i hope that i can help someone in this area
please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help
thank you so much i love you take care of yourself take care of each other
take care of your family and your friends but please don’t don’t
do anything stupid if you need to talk to a counselor about something that’s
going on in your life if you need to talk to someone about suicide
there’s the National Suicide Prevention lifeline you can go Suicide Prevention
lifeline . org or call one eight hundred 2738 255 take care of yourself take care
of each other
you’ve been listening to chat Bostick until next time just take care by the
show notes page for this episode can be found at hello to proz.com / 141 do you
use slack for team communication join the hello tech pros / channel at hello
tech proz.com / slack if you enjoyed this episode please leave a review
subscribe to this channel and check back tomorrow
this has been motivation monday but tomorrow my featured guest and I talked
about productivity on Wednesday leadership Thursday technology friday
people in communication Saturday entrepreneurship and sunday being
unplugged the next week we started all over again with the motivation monday
and i’ll talk to you tomorrow

 

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